The following story spread over two blogs is an extraordinary and true story. Long-term sick patients have had their life preserving medications taken away [ ... ]
As a father I don't see my child without any justifiable reason
Fathers can't often see their children for years without any justifiable reason. This is because attorneys for the mother take a very effective clever route during the court process for custody and visitation rights.
We know that this happens a lot, and we are concerned about these situations. Especially because we feel that the child rights having contact with both parents is violated. But also the father is unfairly discriminated against and his rights at the least respected.
In our blog about the Uyghurs, we describe that children are torn away from their parents and that these children are raised in boarding schools. They have had no contact with their parents for years, perhaps never again. When we read this we are struck by the fact that such things still happens in our world.
But in fact, this also happens in the Netherlands, because children often are torn away from one parent after parents separate. Unfortunately in too many of these cases, the father is losing the rights that the mother has. Of course, we all understand that the mother has carried the child for nine months and gave birth to the child, but do these facts make the mother the better parent? In our legal system, the mother has many times more rights than a father according to custody and visitation rights. This is outdated and is not fitting into our society, because the rights for mom and dad needs to be equal.
In the battle for custody and visitation rights, the mother's lawyers are the ones who are manipulating the judge. This through a clever trick and loophole in the law to minimize or even totally exclude the father's rights.
We find that this is a violation of the rights from child and father
So NO we think that this is an injustice because as it has been said it violates the right from the child, but also from the father. In our research, we noticed that the legal profession often puts down the same trick in the fight for children. Studying cases we saw so many similarities in how lawyers are fighting this battle that we were shocked about it. So we are sure the same trick is used a lot in court.
The mother always claims to have been treated badly by the father and because of that having permanent psychological problems. Or even worse, the child is badly treated by the father and has permanent psychological problems. The mother can't cope with this, because every time the child sees the father, the child is unmanageable for days.
In both cases, the burden of proof is greatly inflated and often all kinds of reasons are really made up. Psychologists who are called in may see through the mother's game. But they turn a blind eye to this, so they don't have to carry the responsibility of a wrong judgment. Social workers from the department of child protection do the same. Everything the father does is put under an enormous magnifying glass and scrutinized, but especially held up to scrutiny. All good intentions of the father are seen as less good and turned into evidence.
We want to emphasize that there are, of course, cases where the father has really treated the mother and child wrongly. But we are concerned with all those cases in which the lawyers are smart enough to put up this pretense and thus completely exclude the father.
Why doesn't the court see through this game?
The court sees through these games but doesn't want to take the responsibility of making a wrong judgment in these cases. Giving free-reign in wrong judgment to the parent who really does misbehave with mother and child, would affect lives horribly. Just like all social workers, from departments, don't dare to bear this responsibility when they do make a wrong assessment. So it is easier just to put the burden on the father and the child instead of making a good judgment. That is why these cases are often lumped together. Court literally says they’re not the ones who have to find out the truth but to judge what is right.
The father always bears the brunt of this kind of outrageous justice and can't put forward any rebuttal about the lies. Must count on the fact that he barely, or even much more often, doesn’t see his child at all. When the father fights hard to get his rights and wants to show the mother lies about all, is put in the corner of being a dominant man. This works completely against him.
The father's rights are overruled by the court, this is because the mother needs rest, psychologically to be a good parent to the child. At least that is what the court thinks and believes.
We know this is a global story, but we would like to hear your story
This story is a general one, but we would like to hear your story, as a father. Also, from the child who hasn't seen his father for a long time because in situations like this.
What kind of damage does this bring, we wonder, to the father and the child in their psyche and in their relationship? Does it create fears, separation anxiety, a hole in the soul? How do you deal with it as a child and as a father? Can you repair a relationship when a child and parent have barely seen each other for a very long time? How does a mother deal with this in raising the child, how does she speak about the father? Are you as a child being played with and influenced and what consequences did this have for you?
Has it happened to you that you haven't seen your child for a while in this devious and unjust way, or just now and then? Have you, as a child, been the victim of a mother who has unjustly put your father in this horrible place?
X-Codex wants to change this family lawyers game to seek publicity in this.
Send our editors your story and if it seems like an interesting case that meets with injustice, we will contact you.